apple crostata

apple crostata

oh, lardy me. tried making cornish pasties, which was a complete failure, and also left me with una caja de manteca, a big box of lard, which took ages and miles to find. no wrinkling of noses! you'll look like the pig from whence it came. also, it is better for you than margarine, and creates the kind of texture you want in your flaky, tender pastry--namely, flakiness and tenderness. much like those annoying mcdoctors in that...that show. i digress. lard love you, it is what you need to make a very good shortcrust pastry. so says the man. follow his recipe, because it's only a splash away from the one i used.

because i lack that pie thingy of which he writes, this is a very freeform apple pie so grandly renamed "crostata," because it sounds better than "freeform" (which i believe is the name of a training bra). and, to somewhat dispel the idea that all baking is all measure twice, calibrate often, here is the rather haphazard recipe.

you don't need to use apples, just whatever fruit you have on hand--i did indeed use two granny smiths and one roma peeled and sliced, but anything from berries to stone fruit will work. once you've got your dough done, let it rest in the refrigerator for about half an hour; prepare your fruit whilst waiting. take the rested pastry from the fridge, let it warm up a bit, then roll out evenly to the size of a large dinner plate. as an added sweet touch, a judicious grating of almond paste was laid over that--just enough to add that cyanide-y taste of marzipan, and just enough sweetness to balance out the tart apples spread out on top. to glaze or not glaze is your choice (i did, with some blood orange marmalade found in the fridge. more bitterness for my bitter heart. sweetness for me sweet tooth.) do i need to tell you to make sure you don't spread out the filling to edges, but instead leave about a one-inch border of crust? no. but i did. fold that border over in the most attractive way you can. brush the edges with a little beaten egg, sprinkle on a bit more sugar, pop in the oven at 200˚C or 400˚F, until the edges are golden brown, about 40 minutes. very good no matter what, but best if served warm.


Hey, another fan of TWoP! And dare I accuse you of feeling weak in the knees at the sight of McDreamy and McSteamy?

oh, gah. no, not drinking the kool-aid on this one--sorry, nick! dempsey will always be this guy to me, and i don't know who mcsteamy is. sounds like a specialty item at this place.

I'd be in trouble with my friend from Cornwall if I dind't mention the fact that pasties were design to be eaten down t'pit and the pastry was for the grubby hands. There was a bit of jam at the end for 'dessert'.
OOOH OOH MISS! I've thought of a joke:
Q. How do you make a crostata?
A. Poke it in the eyes.

[has Nick got great abs or what?]

i believe the original pastry was designed to be extra stodgy because there was so much lead on the hands of the miners that it was just thrown away anyway. they also have these interesting 'twofers' that is a take-off on the bit of jam at the end--they are kind of two-pies-in-one with one end filled with savoury and the other with fruit and cream.

and heck yeah, those abs are rockin'.

why not naming an apple pie like a training bra? would be a very cool recipe name!

ah, maidenformed apples. but they deflate, you know. might not be so appealing.

Love it. Apple crisp is a favorite of mine.

The idea of apples in deserts is so appealing to me right now - so autumnal!